I'm Back!

Hello Friends,

I can't even fathom wrapping up the last year's happenings in a few short paragraphs.  Some highlights:

- First year in solo ministry at First on Fourth has been beautiful, shocking, wonderful, and strange.  The job of the pastor is full of the random and the mundane, life and death, perceived crises, so many meetings, but mostly reading, writing, listening, and, above all, loving as best we can.  I've learned to appreciate my role as a spiritual leader and confidante, and gained tremendous respect for people who've been at this for decades.  It's about living in community, even when that feels a little impossible.

- I bought a house!  It's 120 years old and quirky and tiny and gorgeous.  It suits me well and my puppy (Dr. Rufus T Barleysheath) is enjoying having his own yard very much.

- I'll be starting a PhD in fall 2013.  I'll be studying at CSU, in the school of education.  The professor who will be my primary adviser is an incredible woman who works primarily with multiculturalism in education, specifically with vulnerable and oppressed populations.  My own research will be focusing on the ways we teach the "terror texts" of the Bible at a seminary / theological training level, and how we speak of / remain silent about violence against women in a preaching and pastoral context. 

- My first half marathon is next weekend - the Slacker Half which is entirely downhill from Loveland Pass.  I would not have survived the training for this without the support and love of family, friends, and an incredibly supportive congregation.  Come to think of it, most everything I do comes to fruition from such encouragement, care, and grace.  Not entirely sure how I got so lucky, but I'm grateful.

Part of my sense of call in the world is continuing to respond (in writing, preaching, and activism) to injustice.  I've come to appreciate that having first hand encounters with the people who live in such places gives me the courage to keep speaking out.

I would not have traveled to Calcutta or London to do anti-trafficking work without your help.  So it is with hat entirely in hand that I ask for sponsors as I attempt a trip to Palestine.  The opportunity I'm hoping to pursue is with a peacemaking organization (Pilgrims of Ibillin) which promotes understanding of life in Palestine and connection amongst Christians, Muslims, and Jewish people in the Holy Land.  I've got tremendous respect for this organization and am very keen to travel with them.

I would be delighted to speak with any organization interested in having me about my travels and present what I learn.  Thank you in advance for considering sponsoring on my next adventure.

With many thanks for your support and prayers,
Laurie

First Year in Ministry or Why I’m Learning to Fly

Nope, this isn’t some sort of bizarre nod to 90’s R & B, because I am actually learning to fly. 

This morning, I had my first flight lesson.    It was incredible and I can’t wait to get back for more.  It uses completely different parts of my mind than I stretch most days at work, it’s a challenge, and it’s fun.

Now the literature geek part of me loves the metaphor of flight, particularly for a first year solo pastoring.  There is nothing about my job that isn’t, in some way, learning to fly.  Things I have some experience doing – preaching, youth ministry, visits – I’m doing with a totally new group of people.  And things I have never done before – running session, long range planning in Christian ed, concerning myself with things like the budget and a beautiful but aging building and all the millions of details – are a total wilderness.  So, a lot like flying -- there isn’t much to do but try to learn the vehicle, rely on the system and your lay-leadership / co-pilots, and trust that God’s got you in the right place at the right time.

              The slight thrill seeker in me (hidden pretty deep) loves the adrenaline of both adventures, but most of all, the faith part of me loves the freedom, the jaw-dropping beauty, the wide-open possibility of being up, up, and away.

At the request of a few friends, here's the manuscript of the rhyming sermon I wrote for last week.  It was a whole lot of fun to write and I'm grateful for a job that lets me be creative!  Thanks for the support, friends.  Coming soon - reflections on my first quarter-year as a solo pastor.

Trinity Sunday

Isaiah 6:1-8

John 3:1-17

Commissioned by Confusion

Ah the trinity.

The great mystery.

The nature of God and of who God might be.

The question that’s plagued the church from the start,

Just whom do we mean when we say “that thou art”?

Trinity Sunday has arrived now and here,

And I, like most preachers, approach it with fear,

But still, undeterred by trepidation and doubt,

I’m determined to grasp it, and sort this thing out.

So what is the Trinity and why should we care?

Should we try to uncover it? And do we dare?

Isn’t God simply… God?  Isn’t that all we need?

What’s the point in exploring our source and our creed?

Yet again and again on the same old church calendar,

Appears the Trinity, making us all feel like amateurs.

We need to know, both small and grand,

Who our God is, and where we stand.

Like many before us, the question is what beckons,

God’s playful interaction, with which we must reckon.

We are each of us commissioned to this confusing situation

That causes all seminarians such frequent consternation

Who are the three persons of this God unseen?

What does it mean to be “homoousian”?

It means of the same essence, in case you were wondering,

This trinity business leaves much room for blundering…

So perhaps a metaphor can help, if we might,

Jesus certainly loved a good parable, right?

Is God really a butterfly – caterpillar, cocoon, and wings?

Is God instead like water – ice, liquid, and steam that sings?

Is God like in the Shack – the sassy lady, the carpenter, the sprite?

Is God like an egg – with shell, yolk, and white?

What about the naming ?  Where does that fit in?

Do names truly reflect God , or can they only  begin?

Do all three parts create, redeem and sustain?

My gosh this Trinity stuff hurts my brain.

Do all three persons bring all God traits we trace?

Does each part of the Trinity bear fellowship love and grace?

What of the gender?  Is God really a girl or a boy?

I feel like Nicodemus here… simply put, just “oy!”

What about Mother, son, and holy feminine divine?

Is that just confusing, or does that suit us just fine?

Should we follow our creeds and be doxological,

Leave room for the Spirit?  Be more Christological?

Perhaps this whole conversation is just plain old illogical?

That first part, the traditional God the Father,

Is “he” the most-God?  The most in charge?  Why should we bother

Trying to rank them when the Nicene Creed

Helps clarify that it’s all three we need.

Is this God the creator?  God at the start?

Or just Old Testament God, the hardener of hearts?

And if that’s what’s first, and to Christ it gave way,

Does the Son then matter the most to us today?

Is the new birth of covenant, betwixt us and God,

Created in love what defines us here on the sod?

Does this personal connection mean we know that God cares,

And stays directly involved with our human affairs?

The holy Ghost, that’s a fun one… just what does that do?

The unseen and unheard and yet still shining through,

The Holy Spirit which enables us to keep fresh today,

Reading scripture and listening for what God now has to say.

So we’ve plenty of questions but no sure answers in sight,

The sermon’s half over!  This can’t be right!

If we’re solving the trinity in a few easy moves,

Surely the great theologians can give us some clues.

There’s the ancient Tertullian, from the second century BC,

Who wrote often and much to defend Christianity,

He wrote that the trinity is the pattern of salvation,

He wrote with such passion as to give palpitations,

He insists it is Three,

 Not in dignity, but degree,

In form but not substance,

A challenging idea perchance,

Not in power but in kind,

Of one essence and of one mind,

All degrees, forms and kinds devolve in their Holy name,

At least that’s Tertullian’s trinity of fame.

Now Augustine would go on the defense,

For the trinity, which really makes sense,

“You need both body and soul to truly be,

Hence I Am is a trinity”

The corporal presence of a God with a body,

And the breadth of eternity – not too shoddy,

Affirming too the eternity of Christ,

Augustine shows some serious fiest,

And for him scriptural evidence abounds

Affirming God of the past, future, air, flesh, and grounds,

So three of one and the same essence is the way he conceives,

Of the Trinity in which he also believes.

And at the start of the Church Dogmatic,

We learn Karl Barth was a true Trinity fanatic,

We are only Christian because of our Trinitarian view, he insisted,

And that keeps our concept of revelation consistent,

Therefore, without the Trinity, God just isn’t God,

As we understand God.  Lost yet?  Just smile and nod. 

Now on the other hand there’s Schleiermacher,

And what he believes is a real shocker,

Forget the creeds, and focus on the healing,

What matters  'bout God is that religious feeling.

Yes Nicea in 325 gave us some ideas and a frame,

But religious type feelings is what gives God the name,

Through the existence of Christ we know that God is necessary,

And too much credence on dogma and such left him feeling wary.

Moltmann takes an approach more Romantic in tone,

With a capital R, he calls it a love story of one,

The gospel is a great love story he claims,

Of Father, Son, Spirit – a plot still remains,

Involved in the story of both heaven and earth,

All intertwined eternal, present, and birth,

Are we any closer to understanding

Just who God is, and what God’s demanding?

Now I don’t want to be a Pharisee

But I’m pretty sure Nicodemus knew way more than me,

And like Nicodemus we arrive – not with hunger of the physical kind,

But instead with hunger of the spirit and mind,

We want to know, though timid and worried,

Which is why he showed up at night and hurried,

And, though he came at night, God didn’t smote

Nicodemus, and listen, I quote

“Everyone who believes has eternal life”

But believes in what, Jesus?  That’s what gives us strife.

But we ought to be calm and remember the promise,

Salvation, not condemnation, Christ didn’t come to con us.

It’s not a trick or a trap or a puzzle to solve

God so loved the world, the Son came to absolve,

And through the Holy Spirit still,

We know our hope can be fulfilled.

Isaiah’s promise that we are commissioned

The priesthood of all believers, set out on a mission

All of us asked for, each of us sent,

To a personal journey, on a road often bent,

Made difficult with twists and turns and stones,

But knowing we never walk it alone.

The call is simple and hard as can be,

And involves bearing witness to the full trinity,

To bring the kingdom closer, a Holy kiss,

Between justice and peace, it’s not to be missed,

The humbling that happens as a result of the call

Is enough to make any of us feel quite small

But we turn to face God with our questions and hopes,

Moving out in the world, and learning the ropes,

Send me forth, though I haven’t a clue,

I’ll trust that God will know what to do,

And if this is indeed God’s specific plan,

I’ll try to trust you, you Great I am.

For life has  little such reason or rhyme,

Unless you view it with infinite time,

And as ever our form remains in God’s hands,

Where we can leave our questions and plans,

Three in one or one in three,

I think God’s less worried with the trinity,

Than how we care for one another,

And live as though we are sister and brother.

So solutions and answers, I have very few,

But a commissioning charge, that we can do,

Go out into the day beyond and ahead,

And live like God is alive and not dead,

Live like the command to love with grace,

Remains alive in this time and this place,

And know that no matter your age, creed, or size,

God’s promise  to you lasts, God’s love is your prize.

For God’s love is one thing we all have in common,

And with that, there’s no more, so let’s end with Amen.

Back to It

Hello family, friends, and future friends - 

Holy week, which is arguably one of the busiest weeks in the church year and a special kind of chaos for solo pastors in the first few months of their first call, seems to also be the time that the universe is prodding me to explore new projects and resurrect old ones.  God's funny like that.

Since Maundy Thursday, Good Friday, and the Easter sunrise services are locked in and the Easter sermon is underway, now seemed like a good time to pause and update this little exchange with people I love near and far.

I'm absolutely loving life in Colorado and the adventure of serving a new community.  The building in which we seek God and community is a beauty and a beast - 100 + years old, full of memories and possibilities.  I'm currently working with a few brave and dedicated souls to sift through the paperwork of the last many decades, figuring out the history, the historic registries, the grants, the ghosts, and all the rest.  My understanding is that it's pretty impossible to move forward if you don't know where you've been.

I'm also working with some talented minds and compassionate hearts on a project I've been pecking away at for a few years - building a road map for churches that want to commit to being Slave Free.  If you're interested in helping out as a part of that, let me know.

Finally, I'm gaining clarity just by virtue of how challenging I sometimes find it to focus on week-to-week tasks.  I love the people.  I love preaching and listening and learning.  It is hard for me to quiet the fact that I get quite revved up (ha!) about the idea that the church is a necessary vehicle for radical love, for absolute inclusion, and a voice for justice that rolls like a river.  Maybe that consistent call to act, and help others to act, in the name of justice isn't a distraction at all.  Maybe that is the call.

I guess we'll find out.

News

Hello friends!  The long silence has been marking time of my call search process - one defined largely by joy, and a bit of anxiety, and most of all, the inability to speak openly since it was not a done deal and Presbyterians can be a bit fussy about these things.  (Us?  Particular?  Never...)

It is with joy that I can now share that I've been voted in as the new pastor at First United Presbyterian Church of Loveland, Colorado!  I'll be heading out next weekend to appear on the floor of their Presbytery for final examination and, if approved, I will be ordained the following weekend at my home church.  I'm still processing the implications of that identity shift - actually becoming the Rev. Laurie - but that's for another blog post.

For now, I simply want to share my sincere thanks to those who have partnered with me in this process.  Non-church friends who listen with bewilderment at the papers and committee meetings and endless processes that make up the walk towards ordination.  Family and dear friends who gather me up when I felt discouraged.  Mentors and colleagues in ministry, justice, and compassion who gently correct my mis-steps, and who provide encouraging feedback.  Seminary friends for 3 am conversations figuring out exactly how little we knew and know about life.  All of you who stood beside me in helpless awe at how well things work out, sometimes when we least expect it.

So it is with joy and optimism that I step into this next chapter of a pretty wild adventure - solo pastor serving a vibrant little community in the nearby cradle of the Rocky Mountains.  Thanks for joining me.  Allons-y!

Very funny, God

So it seems that God and the universe have something of a wacky sense of humor.  A lifelong avoider of public speaking, I started finding my way out of front-of-the-class speaking assignments as early as third grade.  I’d read extra books, write extra reports, create elaborate tri-fold poster board creations, pretty much anything to get out of having to face down a roomful of eyes and the sound of only my own voice.  I’ve always been a relatively confident person, but something about the sheer vulnerability of public speaking renders me a bit… ridiculous.  Hands shaking, voice quaking kind of ridiculous.  I’ve gotten over this in stages, though not without a few tears shed over speech and preaching classes at seminary.

            People frequently, and very sweetly, reassure me that this ongoing struggle doesn’t show much when I preach.   I hope they are right.  This is a good thing, since that’s a part of my job.  I love crafting sermons, and I’m learning to love the act of delivering them.

            But, getting a grip on the pulpit (often literally), I thought God’s hilarious choice of calling me into a life of preaching was just about all the comedy I needed.  I was spectacularly wrong, as is often the case when I try to guess where my life is heading.  Within the past few weeks, I have been invited to speak about the justice issue of human trafficking multiple times and the list is growing.  At a Mosque.  At a Big 10 university.  At a high school to a hundred or more teenagers.  At churches.  At community centers.

            I made a promise a few years back to communicate about trafficking to anyone, anywhere, any time because I think it’s incredibly important.  People must know this is happening, and must be called to do something about it.  I just never assumed it would be me doing the talking.  

          So, dear friends and family, please feel free to pass the word around that I'm available to inform groups about human trafficking.  If you know of a group that is interested, please feel free to send me an email (vivalamariposa@gmail.com).

            I am incredibly honored to be doing this work alongside the parish ministry I love, and am going to continue to do my best to swallow those waves of nervousness that are becoming part of the preaching and teaching and speaking experience for me.  There’s a lesson in all of this about call, about God equipping you for what you need to do, and maybe about keeping your mouth shut about things that make you nervous, lest you be thrown head first into them.  And if nothing else, it’s a reminder that God is very, very funny.

Disintegration

            One of the real joys of working with little kids is their complete and ridiculous honesty (and even when they start learning to lie, they’re usually pretty bad at it for at least a few years).  They are who they are, wherever they are, regardless of who else happens to be around.  If they are tired, jubilant, scared, hungry, nervous, or, as my nephew recently proclaimed himself, “feeling too wild”, you know it.  Because when we start life off, we are pretty much whole.  We are unified.  All the parts of our lives are integrated.

            But the older we get, the harder it gets.  We recognize that we have roles in life and our sense of self changes based on our counterparts or audience.  Few people know this more acutely than teenagers – the way we speak, dress, behave and even think can be wildly different when we’re with our friends, in front of teachers, with our parents, at church, at school, etc.   We conform to the roles others expect us to fulfill – for good or for ill.  If we’re the funny one, we’ll make jokes.  If we’re the smart one, we’ll study hard.  If we’re the problem kid, we’ll get into trouble.  Kids are pigeon-holed from an early age and are tremendously aware of the expectations (spoken and implied) placed on them.

            The real trouble here is that, for a whole lot of people, we get the idea that the people we love will only love the version of us that they’ve come to know.  That’s more than a bit of a problem if we’re one person with them, and someone else entirely in other parts of our lives.  Everybody’s got some secrets, but the more varied our personas and roles get, the harder it can be to ever feel whole or intact.  Who doesn’t know an adult with a “business voice / face / demeanor” who changes 180 degrees around when they get home for the day?  Maybe that’s just the reality of adults doing what we have to do to survive.  Or maybe it’s demonstrative of our inability to trust that anybody would - -if they really knew the truest, most integrated “us” completely – love us just as we are. 

            Since God created us each as integrated and whole, maybe living into that a bit more in our daily lives will bring us closer to daily remembrance of that truth – somebody does love you, all of you, exactly as you are.